Let Me Come Home
by NikkiEvans
Summary: Tina was probably being overdramatic. Blaine was going through normal post-break up depression...right? Kurt discovers that it's a lot more than that. 4x04 Reaction Fic! Angsty, then fluffy.


It isn't that Kurt doesn't notice how unhappy Blaine is. He knows. He feels it too. But what would talking about it do? Why dwell on the fact that they were apart when they could talk about the good things happening for both of them?

Kurt doesn't realize how bad it was. Blaine cheated. He didn't feel like Kurt was being there for him, so he cheated. It doesn't make Kurt feel bad for him though. It makes Kurt angry and hurt and a little confused. He doesn't feel bad for Blaine, though.

Tina is the one who notices. She sends him a text: _Something is wrong with Blaine_.

_We broke up_. Kurt responds even though they technically never said it officially.

_This isn't post break up depression, Kurt. _

He doesn't know what to do. What can he do for Blaine? He can't just forgive him. Even if he said it to Blaine, it still isn't true. It would be giving him false hope for something that Kurt just isn't ready for.

Of course, Tina might be overdramatic. She doesn't really know Blaine that well. It's only been a couple weeks. He might be fine. He's probably fine.

* * *

Kurt comes home to see Grease at McKinley in mid-November. He watches Blaine perform and he is alright. He isn't performing to the best of his ability, Kurt knows. It's a passable performance. For McKinley's standards, it's probably deserving of accolades. Kurt knows he isn't giving his all, though. Blaine just doesn't care.

Kurt goes backstage after the show to find Blaine. "Hi," he says.

Blaine turns around from the makeup table. "Hi," he says breathlessly. "H-how are you?"

"Good. I've, well, I've been better, but I'm getting there. You?" Kurt asks.

"Fine." Kurt sees the lie. Blaine is fine when he is at his doing Calculus homework or pretending to be straight at his parents' Christmas party. Kurt knows that fine is miserable.

Kurt sits down on the stool next to him. "You were good out there."

"Not my best."

"No, you weren't."

"Not a big fan of the show. Change yourself to get the person you love, and you'll fly off into the sunset together."

"It's not the best theme, but the songs are catchy. The costumes must've been fun."

"Mmhmm."

"You're pretty much made for 40s and 50s era shows."

"It's the hair."

"And the gentlemanly qualities."

"Don't be nice to me." Kurt shouldn't be nice to him. He didn't plan to be. He wanted to be neutral, maybe even make him feel guilty. But somehow that felt like kicking a puppy.

"We should go somewhere."

"Why?"

"To talk about things."

"We don't have anything to talk about Kurt."

"I want to go to your house." He says the words before he realizes that he said the exact same thing after opening night last year. His eyes widen as soon as the words fall out of his mouth.

"Okay."

They drive to Blaine's house in their separate cars. The house is a large Victorian home with about an acre of land surrounding it. Kurt pulls up the long cobblestone driveway and notices that the house is dark.

"Your parents are away?"

"Haven't seen them since September."

Kurt knows this isn't weird for him. His parents both travel a lot for work. "Let's go upstairs."

Blaine leads him to his bedroom. It's weird. This feels just like last year's play. They're nervous, alone, and heading for Blaine's bedroom. They aren't nervous to start something though. They're scared to end it.

Kurt sits on Blaine's bed while Blaine prefers to stand. "Sit."

"I'm good."

"Blaine, just sit."

"Kurt, I can't." He doesn't explain himself because he knows that he doesn't have to with Kurt. This isn't just weirding him out. This is painful, watching the boy he can't have sit on his bed.

"Okay, I'm sorry."

"You shouldn't apologize to me. Not ever."

"Blaine, what happened?"

"I cheated and fucked up everything."

"No, what happened to you. Why did you cheat?"

"I don't know, because I'm stupid? Because I can't keep my pants zipped? Because I need attention like a five year old?"

"Let's ignore the first two and skip to the last one."

"Oh, yes. Let's talk about how I'm an attention whore."

"Stop that. You're not the self-deprecating type, Blaine."

"You also thought I was a good guy, so I don't know you really know what type I am."

The comment stings but it's not because Kurt is insulted. Does Blaine really think that low of himself?

"Why did you feel like I wasn't giving you attention?"

"You talked to me twice a week, at best, and when we talked it was all about how exciting New York was. You didn't even remember that I was running for class president, and I couldn't even tell you that I won because you were too busy to pick up the phone."

"Okay, and what about everyone else?"

"What everyone else? Sam and Tina? Yeah, they were nice. They were thrilled that Kurt's boyfriend won."

"That's what you think you are?"

"Kurt, I came to McKinley for you. I left the Warblers for you. I took a slushie for you and stopped talking to them because they thought they could hurt you."

Kurt looks away. "I'm sorry."

"No, don't you dare apologize to me. This is my own stupid fault."

Kurt's brow furrows. "You gave up everything for me didn't you?"

Blaine swallows and says quietly, "I didn't realize I'd even given up anything until you weren't here."

Kurt gets up and puts his arms around Blaine. "I'm—"

"Don't apologize," Blaine's voice cracks as his arms tightened around Kurt's waist. "Don't you dare apologize for what's not your fault, Kurt."

Kurt can feel Blaine's silent sobs as he buries his face into Kurt's shoulder. Kurt rubs Blaine's back in an effort to comfort him.

"I'm alone. I'm completely alone here."

"No," Kurt pulls Blaine's head off of his shoulder and cups his hands around Blaine's face. "You will never be alone, okay? I am always here, no matter what. I promise that I will never let you be alone, Blaine Anderson."

"You can't promise that, Kurt," Blaine says as he presses their foreheads together.

"I won't let it be like before. I'll make time for you."

Blaine leans in and kisses Kurt. Kurt lets himself get lost for a moment. These arms, these lips, the scent of this aftershave, Kurt feels at home for the first time since coming back to Lima. But this isn't supposed to happen. Kurt pulls away.

"I'm sorry. That can't—I didn't mean—"

Blaine's face falls. "No, why would you mean that? I'm sorry. I shouldn't have violated—"

"No, it's my fault. The way I was talking, I made it sound—"

"It doesn't matter. It won't happen again."

"Blaine, we can't get back together right now. That doesn't mean never."

"It's…It's just so much easier to be Kurt and Blaine, y'know?"

"Yeah, I do. I think we need to figure out who Kurt and Blaine are individually though. I think we kind of lost ourselves in this."

"Is that why I can't remember how to function without you?"

Kurt gives a sad little chuckle. "Yeah, and I think that's why we didn't work when we were apart."

"I need to figure some stuff out."

"I think talking to someone might help, Blaine. Maybe Mrs. Pillsbury or maybe someone more…"

"You think I should go into therapy."

"You said it helped you after the Sadie Hawkins dance. I think it could help you again."

"I don't know."

"Blaine, you need someone's help, and honestly, I don't think I'm qualified enough."

"They put me on anti-depressants after Sadie Hawkins."

"That doesn't mean the same will happen now. But even if that happens, there isn't anything wrong with it. You do whatever you need to do to feel right again."'

"I need therapy because I cheated on my boyfriend. That's really pathetic."

Kurt knows that he isn't the reason. It is a family who doesn't pay attention, three different high schools, being gay in Ohio. Maybe Kurt is a reason for Blaine's depression, but there are so many other things. He doesn't think listing these out loud will help, though.

Instead Kurt just says, "I'll never think you're pathetic for trying to help yourself be better. There isn't anything wrong with you, Blaine."

Blaine nods. "Okay. What about us? What are we?"

"We're friends, Blaine. We'll always be friends."

* * *

Blaine visits New York on Valentine's Day weekend. Kurt knows he is coming and has the couch all set up for him. Blaine takes him out to an overpriced French restaurant in Brooklyn, and Kurt loves it. The décor is fantastic and the music is tasteful. Blaine won't let Kurt split the bill (Kurt isn't sure if it's because Blaine wants this to be a proper date or if Blaine knows that Kurt can't afford this place).

They've been in touch since Kurt saw Blaine in Grease. They usually chat about once a week. Kurt tells him what's happening at Vogue and Blaine tells Kurt what's happening in Lima.

Kurt knows that Blaine is in therapy with the same psychologist he saw after Sadie Hawkins. He was going four times a week in November, but is down to twice a week. He hasn't said much about it otherwise. That's why Kurt is surprised when Blaine brings it when they get back to the apartment.

Kurt and Blaine sit on the couch, which is covered with sheets for Blaine, and drink their coffee.

"Enough about everyone else at McKinley. What are you up to at home?"

"Well, therapy has been going really great. I finally feel like I have everything sorted out."

"Oh?" Kurt isn't sure if he should press for details, especially since Blaine doesn't like to talk about it.

"Yeah, I've been working on figuring out who I am and what I want. I've been joining other clubs and finding my own group of friends. Plus I've been bonding with Sam and Artie on my own. I actually figured out what I want to major in."

"I thought you wanted to do performing arts?"

"Well, I thought so too. I love performing, but I don't think I want to be ini constant competition with other people. It's bad enough with glee club. I can't imagine having to compete for solos for a living. I think I'd rather be a music therapist."

"Therapy with music?"

"Yeah, I've been looking into it and it's gaining popularity. It's used to treat a lot of disorders, but most of my reading has been about how it affects neurological disorders like Alzheimer's and schizophrenia."

"That's great, Blaine," Kurt smiled. He had figured out how to be Blaine Anderson.

"We've been dealing with other stuff too. My family, my sexuality, my self esteem and um…we've also been dealing with the cheating incident a lot, trying to figure out why I did it, what I was looking for." Kurt raises his eyebrows, but doesn't say anything. "It's been really good to get all of that clear. I feel like I understand what happened and how to not let it happen again."

"That's—That's really good, Blaine."

They're silent for a moment. "You're really not going to ask why I cheated on the love of my life? Really?"

Kurt lets out a breath "Oh god, please tell me, I don't want to cross any boundaries, but this is—"

Blaine laughs. "You're cute when you're nervous babbling."

Kurt actually blushes. "Well, Blaine Warbler, would you like to explain?"

"I guess I felt like you were cheating on me with New York. You were going out with New York, having fun in New York, talking constantly about New York. I was the one who used to do that. I felt like I wasn't making you happy anymore," Kurt opened his mouth to interrupt, "Just let me finish, okay? I was jealous that New York was doing everything I wanted to do. I tried to talk to you, but something else would always come up."

"So you were jealous. That's what three months in therapy helped you figure out?"

Blaine laughs again. "Not exactly. We figured that out a while ago. The other part of it was that I felt like I should be making someone happy. I apparently have some, um, submissive qualities." Blaine blushes now and Kurt raises his eyebrows. "It's not like I'm in 50 Shades of Grey or something, but I'm just a people pleaser and suddenly I couldn't make you happy. So I thought I could make someone else happy."

"And how did that go?"

"Badly. Let's just say I couldn't really finish what I started. Apparently guys also don't want to hear 'Kurt' in the middle of sex when that isn't their name." Kurt feels an odd sense of pride when he hears this. "I think that I thought that sex would…I knew it wouldn't make him love me, but I thought maybe it would feel that way. Having someone pay attention and act like they cared about me, that was…It felt like you were falling in love with New York, and I felt like I should be moving on. So that's what I tried to do."

"I'm proud of you. Not a lot of people face their issues and deal with them like this."

Blaine looks at him with what Puck always called "dopey heart eyes." It's a look that makes Kurt's stomach flutter. "I love you so much, and I'm sorry that I hurt you," Blaine says.

Kurt leans in and kisses him. It is Blaine who pulls away. "You don't have to forgive me. I know that I really messed up, and you can't possibly trust me yet but—"

"Blaine," Kurt sighs. "I do forgive you. I'm not saying it's remotely okay or that I trust you completely. We still have so much to work on in our relationship, and I don't know if it's ever going to be like it was before everything got complicated."

"I don't expect it to be. If you were to take me back, I think it would be better for us not to go back to before. We've grown, we're different."

"We really are…but I still love you so much, and I'm really tired of trying not to love you. I'm ready to get back together and make this work if you are."

Blaine grabs Kurt and kisses him. Kurt can feel Blaine relax into his arms the way he should. He knows how to be just Kurt Hummel, Blaine knows how to be just Blaine Anderson, but it feels so much better to be Kurt and Blaine. It feels like home.

* * *

A/N: Well, that's my personal fix it reaction fic (I can't stop writing them. Glee needs to come back right now.). I did attempt to write an ending that didn't tie up everything so nicely, but I needed a fix it fic (to be fair my last reaction fic was angsty all the way through). Hope you enjoyed! Reviews are always appreciated!


End file.
